I remember the moment I made the decision to stop struggling against my body.
Lying on my bedroom floor feeling frustrated, angry and alone, I realized that there was no way I was going to relieve pelvic pain until I made some kind of peace with where I was.
For far too long I had been frantically searching for solutions. Going from doctor to doctor. Worrying I was never going to enjoy sex again. Angry that no one knew what was going on, and feeling somehow damaged or defective.
I could feel how much stress, tension, and anxiety all of this was causing in my body and my life.
I was 100% focused on what I did not want.
So, I made a decision to do something radical.
I decided to stop.
I decided to make peace with my symptoms and the impact they were having on my life…
With the fact that intercourse with my honey hurt.
With the fact that I couldn’t wear the clothes I wanted to wear, or do the exercise I wanted to do.
With the fact that the intense burning pain almost never went away, and was seriously impacting my ability to enjoy everything in my life, including parenting my amazing daughter, and doing work that for the first time in my life I was excited about.
I made a conscious choice to stop trying to change or fix all of this, and instead allow it to be as it was, just for now. I considered the possibility that my symptoms might be trying to help me, and chose to relate to them as a potential blessing rather than a curse.
It wasn’t easy but I was pretty sure there was no other way out.
And in that moment, though the pain didn’t magically go away, emotionally a weight lifted off my shoulders and my heart. I felt at home inside my own skin again, in a way I hadn’t in months.
Looking back, I can see that this choice is what allowed my body to heal.
And after years of helping hundreds of women relieve every type of chronic pelvic and sexual pain, as well as other chronic pain, fatigue, anxiety, depression and other symptoms, I have come to see that the single most important thing you can do to relieve pain, heal your body, or change anything in your life that isn’t the way you want it to be, is to drop your resistance to it.
I promise you. It’s possible.
What you resist persists, and pain is no exception.
When you’re struggling against where you are. When you believe thoughts that your life is over or that you’ll never be able to enjoy your life again, not only do you miss the blessings, guidance, and opportunities where you are, you create a whole lot of stress, tension, and anxiety in your body…things that make it impossible for your body to heal.
Of course accepting where you are isn’t necessarily easy. Especially when you’re in pain, feeling stuck, trapped, and hopeless – and your symptoms are limiting your life in ways that make you feel as though your life is basically over, like you’re missing out.
But it is possible, and it can be as simple as a decision to accept where you are, just for now, and see what happens.
“You are where you are and you can get to wherever you want to go from where you are.” ~Abraham-Hicks
Dropping the struggle and relaxing into where you are relaxes your body and your nervous system, connects you to your inner wisdom, and allows you to find and tune into the guidance you need from your body to heal.
Not only that, it allows you to get your focus off of your symptoms and onto other things…including things you actually still enjoy. Which further relaxes your nervous system, decreases tension and stress, and allows you to feel better emotionally even before the symptoms are gone.
It moves you out of a vicious negative downward spiral of pain, fear, stress, tension, pain, fear, stress, tension; and into an upward positive spiral of peace, relaxation, relief, joy, peace, relaxation, relief, joy.
It’s a funny thing about looking for blessings, that when you look for them you start to find them.
In my case, dropping the struggle, and making the choice to let go and make space to see my pain, and the resulting limitations in my life, as a blessing allowed me to start finding new ways to be with my body and find what did feel good again.
For example, I discovered that I actually could enjoy sex and intimacy when I honored my body, communicated with my partner, and made space for creativity and play. As a result, sex got way better and so did my relationship…even before my pain went away.
And, slowing down and honoring my body, making fewer plans and taking time to go inside actually expanded my world rather than contracting it.
Your body is ALWAYS on your side.
Sometimes it’s not immediately apparent how.
It may be that it’s stopping you from doing things the usual way to nudge you onto a different path, to help you expand your possibilities and tap into your full potential.
When you are in “fix it” mode it’s impossible to be open to those nudges.
Here are some things making peace with my symptoms helped me to do…
- Understand my body.
- Speak up.
- Honor my truth.
- Put myself first.
- Say no.
- Create healthy boundaries.
- Learn new ways of experiencing pleasure.
- Improve communication with my partner, and other people in my life.
- And more…
Some of those things were hard for me to do. I never would have done them if my body wasn’t literally demanding the change. I see this over and over again with the women I work with. When they truly drop the struggle, they are amazed at what they discover inside themselves.
Here’s the thing though…You can’t fake this. You really have to do it.
Start with a willingness to make peace with where you are.
“Now is just the jumping off place for the beginning of your journey.” ~Abraham-Hicks
Take a deep breath. Get out your journal. Find a way to make peace with where you are. Whether it’s soothing affirmations, looking for the blessings, trusting life or a higher power, or simply breathing and letting go of control. Spend time finding what it is that helps you genuinely drop the struggle in your body, because it’s the struggle that is keeping you stuck.
What are you struggling with? Is it pelvic pain or something else?
Have you had any success making peace with it?
What thoughts help you accept where you are?
What thoughts bring you relief…even if it’s only a tiny bit?
Where do you get stuck? What lizard thoughts scare you into “fix-it” mode?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
PS If you’d like more support with this…make sure to check out The Healing Female Pain program, where we’ll go more in depth into making peace with where you are, and the other tools you need to find freedom and relief!
I read an article yesterday by Elizabeth Gilbert and she talked about healing her knee pain that had started after a difficult divorce. She has struggled with the pain for 9 years until she sat down one day and talked to her knee. She got the message from her knee that it wanted to run fast and not be babied anymore. So last night I talked to my pelvic floor muscle that is in constant spasm and the message I got was “let go”. So it was quite interesting to open my email this morning and read this blog post. Thank you for doing what you do.
Great to hear from you. Yes. That’s very interesting 🙂 I didn’t know Elizabeth Gilbert’s story, but it is very similar to mine. Different message, same process and result. Thanks for reading and sharing!
Love and Magic,
Lorraine I started to read this and tears poured down my face . This is everything I’ve been feeling right down to the upset of not being able to wear pants. Letting go has been the most difficult thing for me. Basically my entire life . This was exactly what I needed to read today !! Thank you so much!
You’re welcome! I’m so glad it resonated and was helpful. You can do it. Letting go seems hard, but in the end, it’s so much easier. <3
Love and Magic,