YOU are on this planet to THRIVE.
You are beautiful and worthy and here to experience outrageous joy, connection, deep intimacy, passion, freedom, love and abundance…..to live your truth, fulfill your purpose, be authentically who you are and share your amazing gifts with the world.
Unfortunately, if you are experiencing vulvodynia, chronic pelvic pain, or any other type of chronic pain or anxiety right now you probably don’t feel like you’re thriving!
Chronic pain anywhere in your body, but especially in the most intimate part of your body can definitely take a toll on your ability to experience joy.
It interferes with your ability to do the things you love to do, and can leave you feeling alone, afraid, hopeless and angry.
I know. I’ve been there!
The thing is though that even if it seems like your pain is causing your current lack of joy…..
It’s actually the other way around.
I know that may be hard to believe….
Let me clarify that I absolutely am NOT saying that you’ve done something WRONG that caused your pain – or that it’s “all in your head”. This isn’t about blame or making light of your VERY REAL PHYSICAL PAIN…..it’s about empowering yourself and learning how to understand your body and your health in a more complete way.
This is also not something most doctors will ever tell you, or even believe….although there are many now who do!
The truth is that chronic pain, and in particular chronic pelvic pain, with a few clear exceptions that can be identified by a medical specialist, is almost always a sign that somewhere in your life you are out of alignment with your own truth…….that you’re not listening to yourself fully, treating yourself kindly or honoring your own needs.
PELVIC PAIN and other chronic pain is a SYMPTOM of not thriving. It’s not the cause of your suffering, it’s the effect of it.
If you have vulvodynia or another chronic pain syndrome anywhere in your body, your body is communicating with you in a way that you most likely have never been taught how to understand.
Most of us don’t learn how to access or understand our body’s guidance until we are forced into it due to a chronic pain syndrome, or another illness for which there is no effective treatment.
Like your own personal GPS, your body has been giving you moment to moment guidance about who you are, what is right for you, where you are on your soul’s path, and how to get where you want to go….for your whole life.
It didn’t start our screaming at you with chronic pelvic pain. It started communicating in whispers….a gut feeling here, a little tension there, an occasional headache, low energy, anxiety….
And now it’s talking louder. But it’s still just talking and it’s ready to share with you everything you need to know to relieve your pain.
Not sure if this is true for you?
What was going on in your life before your pain started – or before whatever it is that you think caused your pain happened?
How did you feel then?
Were you genuinely happy, relaxed and at peace in your life? Were you comfortable in your own skin, feeling safe in the world, connected to your truth, and living your passion and purpose? Were you deeply connected to and fully expressing your sexuality? Were you able to allow and honor all of your emotions? Were you in love with yourself and your life? Did you wake up eager for your day? Were you able to set clear healthy boundaries? Did you feel joy and appreciation often? Were your relationships fulfilling? Were you aware of your needs and able to express yourself with confidence? Did you feel heard, seen, welcome and grateful to be alive? Were you having fun?
Or, were you putting a lot of pressure on yourself, judging yourself harshly, ignoring your own needs (physical, spiritual, and/or emotional), putting everyone else first, slightly perfectionistic, or frequently struggling with stress or anxiety? Were you trying to appear happy or together all the time? Maybe you were in a job or relationship that wasn’t right for you – that didn’t allow you to be yourself. Maybe you weren’t enjoying sex or if you were you may not have felt safe to express your desires fully. Or maybe you just weren’t able to find, or didn’t think it was realistic for you to do, what really lights you up.
Even if you had/have what you considered to be a great life…..were you feeling happy in it?
If you can relate more to the second set of questions than the first………then it’s very likely that your pain is not ruining your life. It is actually trying to SAVE YOU.
And, it will if you learn how to understand it.
It will lead you right to where your soul wants to go.
That may be into a new relationship with yourself and your inner guidance, greater levels of confidence and connection, a new career, a new relationship (or showing up differently in an old one), a deeper spiritual connection, healing old trauma, developing new healthier ways of thinking and treating yourself, deep authentic happiness…..the possibilities are endless.
So, what is your body saying to you?
Chances are it’s saying something like,
“Pay attention and start living the life you are meant to live!
Stop ignoring yourself. Stop trying to be good, perfect, nice, or responsible. Stop being silent. And for goodness sakes stop trying to please everyone around you and start pleasing yourself.
Acknowledge your own value. You are a unique, beautiful, and powerful woman and you’re here for a reason. You have so much to offer. You matter.
Start honoring your emotions and your needs, speaking up, trusting your gut and tapping into your purpose.
You have a big beautiful life to live!
And, it’s the only way to get out of pain.”
Opening up the conversation……….
After many years of being disconnected from your body, it may take some time to develop a relationship where you’re able to hear and understand it’s messages. Think of this process the same way you would think about learning any new skill that involves your body….like learning to ride a horse or play a new sport or a new instrument.
It takes time and practice.
Your mind and body need time to get it……to make new neural connections….learn new muscle movements….to read the horses signals, to hear when you hit the right note…….
So, don’t try this once (or even 50 times) and then give up if you don’t get answers…..
Sometimes they take a little while……but they will come.
What to do:
1. Connect to your body: notice your breath, breathe into your low belly, notice the sensations in your hands and feet. Scan your body and become aware of all the sensations that are in your body right now.
2. Tune in: Tune into your pelvis….your vulva, vagina, and pelvic floor muscles, all the organs, muscles, and energy in your pelvic bowl. I mean really tune in. Open your heart to this part of your body that you’ve been struggling with for so long. Imagine sending it light and love.
3. Ask: Once you feel connected ask these questions…one at a time, “What do you need? How are you here to help me? Do you have a message for me?”
4. Listen: sit still and listen deeply. Notice if anything pops into your mind. Don’t try to figure out if it makes sense or if you’re making it up. It may feel like you’re making it up. That’s normal at first. Just listen and observe. And wait. Wait for the answers to come. They will.
5. Write: At the same time start really looking at your life and being honest with yourself – in writing. What was going on in your life before the pain started? How were you feeling emotionally? What else is going on in your life now – besides your pain? See what comes up.
Getting to know and understand your body is going to take some time, patience and observation. But it is sooooo worth it. You’re building a relationship that will serve you for the rest of your life….
A relationship with yourself.
And honestly, there isn’t anyone on the planet who’s more important for you to have a good relationship with.
As always, I’d love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your questions, insights, reactions and comments below.