Do you respect your own NO?
And forget respecting, how many of us are actually even AWARE of our own NO? Not only when it comes to sex and intimacy, but in all aspects of our lives?
I promise you, not many!
That’s why we end up in pain.
We continue to push past our body’s signals that something isn’t good for us to the point that we no longer even know we’re getting any signals.
Until we end up in pain.
It seems to be an unconscious reflex for many women, especially those of us who have struggled with pelvic pain, to override and ignore our own limits, needs, and desires.
I am going to share a secret with you.
It’s a big secret, one that can change your life if you’re willing to accept it. It has changed mine, and I’ve seen it change many many women’s lives – magically.
Are you ready?
OK here it is……
Your mind is ALMOST NEVER a reliable indicator of whether or not something is good for you, but your body ALWAYS IS.
In fact, your soul communicates with you through YOUR BODY.
You can always rely on your body to tell you the truth about what IS and IS NOT on your soul’s path, what is or is not good for YOU.
And, just in case you were wondering, putting a lot of pressure on yourself, being perfectionistic, taking care of everyone else before you take care of yourself, staying in relationships that aren’t feeding you, or jobs that make you feel like you’re dying……those things, they are NOT on your soul’s path.
And your body has been trying to let you know that, probably for a VERY VERY long time.
Every time you do something that you don’t want to do, or that isn’t on your soul’s path, or that disregards your needs – for safety (physical or emotional), rest, kindness, fun, love or connection….. your body sends you a signal in the form of a physiological response.
Your muscles tense slightly. You hold your breath a little. There’s a slight heaviness in your chest or tightness in your belly. Your stress response is triggered. Neurotransmitters and hormone balance are affected. And it’s a good bet that if you’re experiencing pelvic pain, your pelvic floor muscles….the muscles in your vulva and around your vagina…. tense ever so slightly every time your body is saying NO.
EVERY TIME. No Exceptions. (Remember, Your Body NEVER Lies.)
No biggie, right?
Well, not if this only happened once a week, or once a day even.
But for most women, this ignoring of ourselves and our needs on a deep level, this has become a constant, chronic state of being.
It’s happening ALL the time.
And it’s gotten to the point that it’s impacting our health.
We are living our lives spending the majority of our time every day doing or thinking things that are NOT on our soul’s path – not to mention ignoring our needs on just about every level.
This is a state of being that our bodies CAN NOT and WILL NOT let us sustain for an extended period of time (like oh say – years!) without creating pain – or some other illness that stops us in our tracks.
So, if you want to relieve pelvic pain, the ONLY option is to start tuning in and paying attention to when YOUR body is saying NO.
In BIG ways and small ways – all the time.
And then follow it’s guidance!
Which I grant you isn’t always easy, but necessary if you want to relieve that pain.
If you’re overwhelmed by that idea, I’m not surprised and you’re not alone.
It seems overwhelming to start tuning into your body when you’ve been habitually ignoring it for so long (except of course when your frustrated with it for being in pain).
We’ve practiced keeping our attention out of our bodies and off of the uncomfortable sensations there, with things like food, shopping, tv, internet, and never-ending “To Do” lists for a long time.
And there’s good reason for that. Once we start becoming aware of what our body is saying, it can require us to face some painful truths and some often long overdue tough choices.
What I can tell you is that as scary as that seems, it is the most amazing thing you can do for yourself!
Partnering with your body and following it’s guidance will transform your life.
It may not be easy, but it’s probably a lot easier than you think it will be, and it will not only lead to pain relief….
It will lead to FREEDOM and JOY.
It’s TOTALLY worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I’ve never used that many exclamation points in a blog post before.)
So, all this is why one of the first things I teach women, and write about frequently, is how to bring your attention into your body and become aware of the sensations that are there.
Because even if your mind may have a million and one justifications for why you have to do what you’re doing, to the point that you think you WANT to keep having sex even when it doesn’t feel great (or sometimes even when it hurts) or spend all day every day caring for your family without taking any nourishing time for yourself, or stay in that job that is suffocating your soul, the sensations in your body will tell you otherwise.
If you want to relieve vulvodynia or chronic pelvic pain, the way to do it is to let yourself be aware of and respond to those NO’s.
One NO at a time.
Until eventually, you become an expert in what it feels like when your body says YES!
And you know deep down, in the deepest part of your being, that following those YES’s is your only choice. Those YES’s are gold, You wouldn’t think of doing anything else.
That’s when your pain will go away. And it will have served a very important purpose. It will have reconnected you with YOU.
And really, what’s the point of living this life if we’re not being who we ARE.
Stop resisting your pain. Start respecting your bodies NO’s and treasuring it’s YES’s and see where it takes you.
I promise you will be pleasantly surprised.
With Love, Magic, and Possibility,