Your Vulva is Beautiful

By Lorraine Faehndrich

Your vulva is beautiful.

She is unique and perfect exactly the way she is!

Unfortunately, if you’re a woman reading this post, there’s a good chance that you don’t feel that way.

The most common reactions I hear from women in my programs about their vulva range from dislike (“It’s ugly, weird, or abnormal, and I don’t want to look at it”), to utter shame and disgust (“The idea of looking at my vulva, makes me feel nauseous or paralyzes me with fear.”)

And just to be clear, in most cases, these thoughts and feelings are not the result of having pelvic pain. They exist long before the pain begins, for many women from a very young age.

I don’t know about you, but it makes me angry that so many women feel this way about their vulva; that women and girls are socialized to dislike, be ashamed of, or in any way fear a part of their own body.

(Let’s face it. The majority of men do not have this experience with their sexual anatomy!)

Which is why I’m writing this post. Because if you are a woman who doesn’t like your vulva or how it looks I want you to know that you are not alone.

And that although this is a common experience, and not in any way an indication that something is wrong with you…….it is NOT normal.

You not only deserve to have a positive relationship with your vulva (and your sexuality), you deserve to think your vulva is absolutely amazing –in all ways, including how she looks!

Because she is.

If you don’t feel that way, it is important to invest time in connecting with your vulva and healing your relationship with her – to transform those inherited beliefs and attitudes and reclaim your birthright to love and accept your body exactly the way it is.

In my experience, this is an important part of relieving vulvodynia, painful sex, and other pelvic pain…as well as creating radiant pelvic health and experiencing more sexual pleasure.

If you’re not sure how you feel about your vulva, or vulva’s in general, one way to find out is to get out a mirror and look. Or if you don’t want to look at your own vulva start with drawings or artwork like The Great Wall of Vagina, and notice how you feel looking at vulvas of every size and shape.

What thoughts come up? What sensations do you notice in your body?

Many women aren’t aware of their discomfort until they look at their own vulva or others, or try to connect in another way.

Then they realize….

They don’t want to look at their vulva.

They don’t think they should touch their vulva – especially not for pleasure.

They are for the most part repulsed or disgusted by their vulva.

And if they’re in pain, on top of all of that, they’re angry.

The default for a woman in this culture seems to be (unless she was lucky enough to be raised in a community or family that has a radically different perspective than the dominant culture, or by a mother who has invested time in her own healing and made a conscious effort to pass that information along) – that she is rejecting this part of her own body, and/or she has very little knowledge about it.

That is at least until she faces that discomfort and chooses to change it.

Do we think it’s so shocking that so many women are experiencing vulvar pain?

I don’t.

You just can’t go through most of your life rejecting a part of yourself, not liking it, feeling ashamed of it, thinking it’s dirty or disgusting, not wanting to touch or look at it, cutting it off entirely except to have sex or please a partner…..and expect that there isn’t going to be some sort of physical consequence for that.

And, if this is the case for you, no amount of medication, surgery, or PT can bring you lasting relief until you address your relationship with your own body.

If you’re experiencing vulvar pain, it’s possible your vulva is communicating with you.

Last week the amazing women in my Healing Female Pain program learned how to communicate with their body. During our class many of them chose to communicate with their vulva.

They heard messages like….

Love me.

Acknowledge me.

Take care of me.

And those messages opened their hearts. They opened the door to healing and relief.

I heard similar messages from my body when I had vulvar pain. And listening to them, learning how to love, embrace, and reclaim my relationship with my vulva, and honor her guidance is what relieved my pain.

Your vulva is beautiful exactly the way she is – even if you don’t feel that way right now.

She is a source of wisdom, creativity, pleasure, and life force energy.

Open your heart to her. Spend some time connecting with her in positive ways. Ask her what she needs. Ask her what you need.

Put time into reclaiming your vulva.  Not only because it’s an important part of relieving pelvic pain, but because all women and girls deserve to love their body – all of their body – including you.

And….when you learn to love your body and yourself exactly the way you are, you help all the rest of us to do the same.

Let’s do this!

With Love, Magic, and Possibility,


If you’d like support reclaiming a healthy positive relationship with your vulva and your sexual self, registration is now open for the 2022 Reclaim Your Sexual Self Program! If you have any questions let me know. I would love to have you in the group.

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