How to Set Healthy Boundaries

By Lorraine Faehndrich

Creating healthy boundaries is almost entirely an inside job, not about saying no or making other people change their behavior. Here’s how to create healthy boundaries for yourself.

Have you ever wanted to set a healthy boundary…but not known how to do it, or worried that you might let someone down or push them away if you did?

I have struggled so much with how to set healthy boundaries in my life.

As a parent, with my family and friends, around self-care, in relationships, and at work.

So I can relate!

When we don’t have healthy boundaries, our body can create them for us through chronic pain or illness (including chronic pelvic and sexual pain).

Which is why, in order to relieve pain, it is absolutely necessary to learn how to create a healthy boundary.
There are so many benefits of having a boundary!

Healthy boundaries…

  • Give you permission to be fully who you are
  • Allow you to be closer to the people and experiences you want to be close to…and move away from the people and experiences that are not good for you.
  • Help you share your truth in a way that people can hear
  • Help you take better care of yourself
  • Create ease, vitality, and wellbeing in your body
  • Lead to true freedom

So it’s definitely worth taking the time to understand and learn how to create a boundary!

The good news is that creating healthy boundaries is almost entirely an inside job.

It’s not about saying no or making other people change their behavior.

Those things may naturally result from having a boundary, but when your energy is clear, it will happen without fear, guilt, or indecision.

Healthy boundaries actually have NOTHING to do with anyone else, at least not at first.

Here’s how to create a healthy boundary for yourself…

  1. Imagine a bubble around your body that is about an arm’s length away from your body in every direction, above your head and below your feet, in front of you and behind you.
  2. Light up the edge of your bubble with a bright color (or if you like imagine setting it in flames).
  3. Breathe and start to get a sense of what it feels like to have this protected space all around you, and all FOR YOU.
  4. As you go through your day imagine your boundary when you need it. This may be before you interact with others, make decisions, or need space to feel emotions.
  5. Notice what happens.

YOU get to define and be who you truly are.

You have a right (and responsibility) to make choices that feel good to you.

You have the power to show up and create your life the way you want it to be.

A healthy boundary will help you do all of this.

If you’re suffering with chronic pelvic or sexual pain (or any other chronic pain, illness, anxiety, or depression), I encourage you to spend some time daily imagining and working with setting a boundary in this way.

I’d love to hear what you notice!

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